T'was The Night Before Christmas

Revised!

by Ms. Jade, TheDogPress Legislative Reporter
 

’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.

 The leashes were hung by the front door with care;

So the house dogs could get a little fresh air.

 Our yard dogs were nestled all snug in their hay.

Wishing that Tammy would just go away…

My mate on the sofa, and I on the john,

Were grateful that all the house guests had gone

When out on the yard there arose such a racket,
I sprang from my throne, grabbed the gun and a jacket.

Away to the front porch I flew like a flash,
Tripped over some work boots and fell with a crash.

I righted myself in the new-fallen snow,
Unlocked the safety, my gun still in tow,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the H$U$, spreading hatred and fear!

I thought to myself these guys must be blind,

Not to have seen our NO TRESPASSING sign.

More rapid than eagles the cruisers they came,
And then news cameras rolling, the cops knew my name.

"Unlock your gate” barked the tax exempt elves,
”someone complained - so we’ll see for ourselves”!

Now I have the right to face my accuser,

And since nobody here is an animal abuser…

I took a deep breath and I mustered some class,

“If you don’t have a warrant, you can kiss my white ass!”

They claimed unlicensed kennels were probable cause,
”I won’t let you in if you’re not Santa Clause.”

Land use codes and zoning don’t give you the right,

And I won’t be misled - so you’re in for a fight!

Intruders can be shot and survivors prosecuted.

And government agents are not somehow exempted.

You need to leave now, or you’ll all be on trial,

I keep the law in a file and my lawyer on speed dial.
 
So I smiled for the camera and winked at the press
”Let me explain why they’re funding this mess…”

Then I took a deep breath, while the camera man gawked
And I began the preamble. (Thanks, Schoolhouse Rock!)

As I recited my rights, it grew quiet as a church,
Equal treatment, due process, freedom from warrantless search…

The Chief told the activists “I’m afraid it’s all true,
It sure looks like this tax payer’s smarter than you.”

“Go open a refuge and quit wasting our time,
Why harass breeders when we’ve got violent crime?"

With a look as cold as the snow on my roof,
The Field Director snorted and stamped a cloven hoof.

”We can change any law with the funds we’ve amassed,
So I can assure you, you’ve not heard the last!”

Stay tuned for more drama said the News - channel 7
A lesson in civics - film at 11,

United we stand and divided we fall.
The true price of freedom can’t be charged at the mall.

Don a coat made of wool and some boots made of leather,

Before vegan fascists deny us the pleasure.

Feast on meat with your loved ones, feel no guilt – have no shame.

With factory farmed eggnog…drink to Ingrid and Wayne.

I just want to add, before I call it a night,

Happy Christmas to all - at least those in the fight!

Ms. Jade

For more on Tammy, Ingrid, Wayne, Best Friends and the other Grinches that want to steal Christmas, look for my upcoming articles after New Years!

Handy links: __________________________________

Click PAWS for in-depth serving of alphabet soup, i.e. HSUS, ASPCA, etc.

More Columns by Ms. Jade:

Backyard Breeder

I Vote on Behalf of My Dog
Media Bias - Pit Bull Sensationalism

"Chicken Soup" - Leaves a bad taste

Best Friends History Exposed!- Part One

Best Friends Part Two...

T'was the Night Before X-mas

Still Life Pets 

Pass The Ammunition

Dog Bite Stats