SOUTHERN ALARM SYSTEM
You don't need no gun, here's directions for a GUAR-UN-TEED effective way to protect your property, complete with installation instructions for a sure 'nuff alarm system.
Instructions on How to Install This Here Alarm
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. To cover all bases (and the back entry) in case a burglar scopes you out from the back yard,
5. Lean a wooden blood-stained baseball bat beside your back door along with another pair of giant sized boots.
6. Leave a note on your door that reads.....