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SOUTHERN ALARM SYSTEM

 

You don't need no gun, here's directions for a GUAR-UN-TEED effective way to protect your property, complete with installation instructions for a sure 'nuff alarm system.

 

Instructions on How to Install This Here Alarm

 

1.  Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

 

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

 

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

 

4. To cover all bases (and the back entry) in case a burglar scopes you out from the back yard,

 

5. Lean a wooden blood-stained baseball bat beside your back door along with another pair of giant sized boots.

 

6. Leave a note on your door that reads.....

 

 

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