that Real People win real money. Submit your Funny Story and if used, you win a $50.00 certificate good on any NetPlaces site, plus you qualify for the $100.00 CASH Journalists Award.

Hilarious Classifieds Ads & Notices

This was NOT from an HSUS supporter! ☻
We hope you get it, our staff sure did!

Captain Haggerty's real life laugh. Before Cap passed on a few years ago he sent The Dog Press this real life story about the infamous Sunny Shay.

DON'T RAISE THE BRIDGE, LOWER THE RIVER

Sunny Shay was getting ready to go in for BIS with her Afghan, 11-year-old Shirkhan. We were chit-chatting and I noticed her slip was showing and told her. I was waiting for her to hand me the Afghan as she reached inside the top of her dress to pull up the straps on her slip. She held on to the dog, bent over and ripped the bottom lace from her slip. She won BIS.

PS: Part of her chit-chat regarded a certain prominent dog man that counseled her not to show Shirkhan for BIS because we want to remember him as he was. I told her he didn't want Shirkhan beating him and that convinced her to go in. Cap.

Classified Ads
Keep your mouth shut and people won't know how stupid you are - put it in writing and prove it!

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bitch. Bites
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
PUPPIES FOR SALE... Dam: AKC German Shepherd, Sire: Super dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat .. been out a while. Better be a reward for this nasty little thing.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.

AND THE BEST ONE:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month and wife knows everything.

sent in by Hal Gantt

Dog For Sale

Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the

efforts of the owner to sell her dog. Read her sales pitch below...

Excellent Guard Dog, Owner cannot afford to feed anymore.

No more thieves, murderers, or molesters left

in neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit'.

Urgent Notice: Potential Danger of Dog Hair

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of dogs. This substance, called "amobacter caninii" has been linked with the following symptoms in females: Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework, a reluctance to wear make-up, good clothes or high heels heels. Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after 'Baby' has new collars, leashes, beds, treats, food, blankets or toys.

"Amobacter caninii" usually results in long hours away from home and exhaustion which may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans (especially husbands and boyfriends). "Amobacter caninii" is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources - this may lead to a "pack mentality" or like the potato chip commercial, "you can't have just one". Beware! If you come in contact with a female human infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about dogs for hours.

Surgeon General's Warning: Dogs are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense. sent in from Lisa Herman 11/09

Back To Funny Index