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Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War
on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.
Johnstown, PA (BNSE):
Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural
Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights
activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing
of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two
others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast
food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant
dumpsters," according to police officials.
"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken
organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly,
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist
groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting
profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,"
decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope
to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their
clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer.
"Motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing
leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know
that we disagree with them using it... Ergo, they should stop."
to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage
1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members
with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood,
and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently,
is when the brouhaha began.
"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me,
said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene',
and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"
"I... I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy
leather jacket. And, he... he didn't even care. I called him a
murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.' Next
thing I know is he forced me to ride on the back of his
motorcycle all day, and not left me off, because his girl friend
was out of town and I was almost a woman."
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot
dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down
while several bikers "farted on their heads."
Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due
to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers
for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the
"That's preposterous," said on high ranking member of the biker
organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people
showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us,
called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what
did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more
friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of
motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about
inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character
for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent
over backwards to make them feel welcome."
When confronted with the allegations of force feeding the
activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them
incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on
their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail.
"That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.
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