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Real Classifieds Ads!


Actual newspaper classified ads for free puppies, a special guard dog for sale – with photo! NIH health warning on dangers of dog hair…


Keep your mouth shut and people won't know how stupid you are, or... put it in the newspaper and prove it!


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bitch. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

PUPPIES FOR SALE... Dam: AKC German Shepherd, Sire: Super dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat...been out a while. Better be a reward for this nasty little thing.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED, also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300


FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. No longer needed. Got married last month and wife knows everything. Contact Hal Gantt

Dog For Sale

Excellent Guard Dog but owner cannot afford to feed anymore.


No more thieves, murderers or molesters left in neighborhood for him to eat.


Most of them knew him as "Holy Shit!!!"

Surgeon General's Warning: Dogs are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense. From Lisa Herman, Agility Trainer, author of We May Be Tiny But We Be Mighty

Urgent Notice: Potential Danger of Dog Hair

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health announced discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of dogs. This substance, called "amobacter caninii" has been linked with the following symptoms in females: Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework, Apparent aversion to make-up, good clothes and high heels heels. Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after 'Baby' has new collars, leashes, beds, treats, food, blankets or toys.


"Amobacter caninii" may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans and is emerging as equally contagious in men and may cause loss of interest in golf and cars. "Amobacter caninii" is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources which may lead to a "pack mentality". Beware! If you come in contact with a human male or female infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about dogs for hours.

Friendly Neighbor... An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.


The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.


The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.


This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day."


The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?" *•.. Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ..•* Hank D.



Captain Haggerty's real life laugh. Before Cap passed on he sent this real life story about the most famous Afghan handler of that time.


Sunny Shay was getting ready to go in for BIS with her Afghan, 11-year-old Shirkhan.  We were chit-chatting and I noticed her slip was showing so I told her.  I was waiting for her to hand me the Afghan and reached inside the top of her dress to pull up the straps of her slip but instead, she held on to the dog, bent over and ripped the bottom lace from her slip. Winning BIS.


PS:  Part of the same chit-chat regarded a certain prominent dog man who counseled Sunny not to show Shirkhan for BIS "because we want to remember him as he was..."  My suggestion to her was that the prominent dog man didn't want Shirkhan beating him. I convinced her to go in with the dog, and she won Best In Show that day! ~ Cap. Haggerty EST 2002 © 20101510r2103



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