Funny Dogs Section

FLYING YOUR DOG? AIR TRAFFIC

Today we and our animals fly around the world but these actual recordings between airline pilots and control towers will make you smile as you board your next flight.

January 9, 2023

TheDogPress Staff

Airline passengers never hear the automatically recorded exchanges between pilots and air traffic control and perhaps that’s a good thing… One of our early subscribers was among the first female Air Traffic Controllers and she shared these now aged-out transmissions with us. The first one dates itself and will surely make you smile.

Tower: Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!

Delta 351: Give us another hint! We have digital watches!

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Tower: TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.

Pilot: Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?

Tower: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC (Air Traffic Control) asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down. San Jose Tower said: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, IF you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following in German: “Lufthansa Ground, what is our start clearance time?”

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

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Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They expect pilots to know their gate parking location and how to get there without any assistance and they have not forgotten World War II so we had to smile over this exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."

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While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxi way! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

Yes, ma'am," the humbled crewman responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keying his microphone, asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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